[B][SIZE="5"]Welcome to Hell

Let’s Play The Legend of Zelda: Parallel Worlds[/SIZE][/B]

From my brief time on the boards, I've picked up that some of you kind of like the Zelda series. With its classic formula of dungeon diving, puzzle solving, item gathering and pig crushing, I find it hard to believe that anyone would be opposed to it. The Legend of Zelda games are simply some of the most important and influencial games in the medium and some of the most fun.

Of all the Zelda games we've seen throughout the years, the one that I've played the most would have to be A Link to the Past. The first two Zelda games were great for their own reasons, but I'd be hard pressed to label LttP as anything other than the watershed moment for the series. The first two games were strictly Action games with light RPG mechanics and with a heavy emphasis on dungeon crawling, but Zelda 3 was a different creature entirely. Yes, the action and role-playing elements returned in a much improved form, but now the name of the game was puzzle solving. How many of you remember shooting an arrow into the Eyegore statue in the Palace of Darkness? What about realizing that the Cane of Somaria could be used to create moving platforms in Turtle Rock?

It's pretty easy for me to say that A Link to the Past is the pinnacle of 16-bit action games and that without it, the games industry might look quite different. Apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way, because many fans have clamored and waited for a return to form from the series to revitalize what made Zelda 3 so great. Obviously, Nintendo has their own plans with their cel shading and their waggle, so the fans decided to take up the mantle themselves. Through blood, tears, sweat and booze, two ambitious little rom hackers forged a game that aimed for the lofty goal of succeeding one of my favorite games. Did they succeed?

Fuck

No

Parallel Worlds is one of the biggest abominations in the world of rom hacking. I say this fully aware of hacks like Pussy City Pimps, Little Remo and Dick Dug; Those are all crass juvenile projects by crass, juvenile people making it hard to take seriously. Parallel Worlds on the other hand is a romhack that's relatively well made and aesthetically pleasing. The game looks [i]so good[/i] and it's actually one of the most impressive efforts from the rom hacking community. The problem with the game lies solely on it's level design. Let me just say it now, never before has a romhack been this unplayably hard. There is no way I'd ever recommend playing this game to the average video game enthusiast and I've be hard pressed to say that even the most hardcore of Zelda fans would enjoy it. The entirety of the game borders on unfun and irritating.

So why am I playing it?

This is a game that word of mouth does no justice. Parallel Worlds has to be seen to be believed. While it may not be that fun for the average person to play, I do believe it's at least a bit entertaining to watch. Beyond that, Parallel Worlds actually has some nice elements behind it and some of the ideas could potentially be beneficial to the Zelda series if they were ever applied to it. Still, why would I want to do this to myself for the amusement of a bunch of strangers? For all my gripes about the game, I still manage to eke out enough enjoyment from the basic gameplay elements that bled through from the original game to make it all worth while. I enjoy playing Parallel Worlds and it goes beyond masochism. The original gameplay elements from A Link to the Past are so strong that they can make one of the worst things fun for me.

[b]Things that you should know before I get started[/b]

First and foremost, I’m actually brand new to the whole Let’s Play thing and I’m always looking for advice and corrections wherever they apply. I’m not the greatest writer in town and I’ve never really messed around with the LP format before, so I hope to learn from the experience.

Beyond that, I’m actually playing through the game twice for you fools; once in the traditional screen shot formula that everyone is familiar with and once more in the video format because I believe this to be the best way to convey the horrors that lurk beneath the surface of this game. I would stick to the videos, but I’ve gotten the impression that no one actually watches the videos, so I’ll be using snapshots to entice people into giving the old moving pictures a view.

Parallel Worlds is a pretty well known hack within its community and as such, has been Let’s Played quite a bit. Most of these LPs flat out suck either because of blind plays, excessive swearing and meme-spouting to the point of nausea and technical problems. The best of these LPs would have to be [URL="http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/PW/"]Zomodok and Diabetus' video set[/URL] over on the Something Awful forums a few years back. Despite it being the best, it too suffers from blind play and technical issues up to and including missing the entirety of the endgame. I’ll just say it now, I’ve completed Parallel Worlds before an as such, I’ll hopefully be nipping some of these complaints in the bud.

Enough chatter, let’s get to the game itself.

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Okay, as I mentioned, this romhack comes from the delirious minds of Euclid, author the Link to the Past editor and Seph, creator of the romhack masterpiece, Goddess of Wisdom. Something tells me that Euclid wore the pants in their relationship since we didn’t see -Euclid/Seph- in place of the Nintendo logo.

Anyways, like all great creations from the fertile minds of any great fanbase, Parallel Worlds has one of the greatest stories ever penned in a video game.


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[QUOTE=Parallel Zeus]...A war made to claim that power...

In the end, the Triforce turned the world into two worlds. One which the climate was harsh, people help each other to survive. They'll do anything to make the world a better place to live. The other world where all the people who desired its power went. The people there decides not to seek the Triforce again. But it all began when 7 people travelled to this world from the other. They wish to use their clues to the Triforce to make their world a better place to live.

The Parallel Tower...
Where the Triforce sleeps...
This begins the story...[/QUOTE]

Meanwhile, in the sky
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Mode 7 takes us to a cloud.
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We're whisked off to the throne room of a castle
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[QUOTE=Royal Scribe]...He searches for the 7 people from the other world for clues to the Parallel Tower.[/QUOTE]

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[QUOTE=Third Soldier from the Left]...Once they told him the clue they were “disposed” of...
Now only 1 remain...[/QUOTE]

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[QUOTE=Redman]A rebel force has been planning on saving this last person from him tonight... So it begins...[/QUOTE]

Well, that was sure something.

[b]Next time: Let’s sneak into the den of our enemies![/b]

Actually, fuck that!
Let’s name this dude

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I’m well aware that the Talking Time tradition is to name your character “Pants” or to have the general audience come to a consensus, but I really wanted to just jet through the first update. I’ve decided that I have a story to tell.

[i]This is the story of a young man with heroic dreams and lofty goals. In a time when the world was filled with perils and life just wasn’t fair, this young man decided to set things right. This was a man who was driven to insanity by his own feats and would eventually go on to become the harbringer on the end and the immortal enemy twisted become the very thing he fought against. This is the zero story.[/i]

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And with the naming complete, our journey unfolds before us

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[Quote=Gannon] The plan is to sneak into the guardhouse tonight... rescue a person from the guardhouse prison...Foil Draegor’s plans... There is so much going on it’s hard to sleep at this time... Is it time to go yet?[/Quote]

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[Quote=unclefriend]Meet me in the front of the guardhouse which i’ve marked on your map. Press X to view the map when you’re outside.[/quote]

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[i]With his words of wisdom, Gannon’s uncle went off on their dangerous mission. Gannon didn’t quite understand what this “X button” was, but he knew that this advice alone would surely get him through the darkest of nights. They had planned tonight for a long time, and how could they not? They knew the horrors that Draegor had unleashed upon the seven visitors. So well did they know how Draegor filled the world with the cretins from the monster dimension. The land had been stripped of its class and elegance and filled with things that were simply inappropriate. Proper grammar and sentence structure had all but disappeared and everyone knew that Draegor was to blame. Truly was he the tyrant king![/i]

[i]With Gannon’s lessons learned, he went on his way to prepare for the night that could possibly be his last.[/i]

Oh, and just in case people somehow got confused on what they’re playing, Gannon’s bed now has a telepathy monument attached to it.

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How Quaint. This has erased all doubts in my mind that this will be the horrorfest I had in mind.

[i]With Gannon’s lessons learned, he went on his way to prepare for the night that could possibly be his last.[/i]

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Okay, so there really isn’t much to talk about yet, so I’ll go ahead and talk about the new HUD. Euclid and Seph just weren’t happy with the simplicity and perfection that was ALttP, so they went hogwild when it came to changing things. Most of this is unimportant, but I figured it would be nice to point out some of the nicer things that came along for the ride. First and formost, the magic bar is a lot better. It’s been elongated to give you a better idea of how much magic you actually have. Not only is it easier to tell how much magic you have, but they also threw in regenerating magic. This kind of kills off the need for Green Potions, but it’s all but essential for balancing the items without making things too unfair. Also, they added names to pretty much every area in the world map. This isn’t really a necessary change to the game, but it’s one that gives the game a more cohesive feel.

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[i]Gannon was always a very devout man and often took strolls on the Church Path to give his respects to the goddesses that birthed the land. Every day he gave offerings to Din, creator of Death Mountain, Forore, Mother to the Lost Woods and Nayru, owner of his favorite bay.[/i]
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[i]After his respects were paid and his prayers said, Gannon decided to help himself to the offerings that were presented before him. He knew in his heart that the godddesses had something greater in store for him.[/i]

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[i]Gannon had heard rumblings of a Magic Lamp hidden near the Church Path, so he took his newly blessed body into the deepest, dankest hole in the ground he could find. After all, Gannon knew that the best place to find a Magic Lamp would be in the Dungeons of Doom. Gannon couldn’t help wonder what terible perils he would face in this dark abyss. Regardless, he went in.[/i]

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What. The. Fuck.

This is one of the first moments where you see just how evil Parallel Worlds really is. What the hell, man? Gannon hasn’t even gotten his sword and shield yet and he’s been thrown the final form of the first boss. This is part of the reason why I decided to get the heart piece before the Guardhouse and not after like it was intended. Seriously, a red Armos Knight and a room full of spikes.

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[i]After narrowly avoiding what could have been a fatal encounter with a Giant Bat, Gannon had found the treasure he had come for. Gannon got a good feeling when he procured the Lamp that he didn’t even bother using the Scroll of Identify that he had in his bag. He KNEW that luck was in his favor after seeking the help of his gods. Soon he would have Djinn sidekick to help him in his quest.[/i]

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[i]and with his trusty lamp in hand, Gannon found his way out of the dangerous cave that had claimed numerous adventurers’ lives. As Gannon collected his bearings, he asked himself why he never noticed that the cave was conveniently next to his house. “No matter” he muttered to himself. He knew that he had one more place to go before attempting the impossible[/i]

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[i]Gannon had no sword at his side nor had he a buckler upon his back. He knew that he couldn’t just waltz into Draegor’s Hell unequiped, so he went to go gather the one thing he knew he could depend on.[/i]

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[i]Many times in his childhood, Gannon saw fit to experiment with explosives. Sometimes he’d find a cave, other times he’d use them for traversal despite the sheer stupidity of it all. Regardless, He knew bombs well and knew that the best place to get them was under the ceramic pottery that littered the shop’s storeroom. “They wouldn’t mind” Gannon thought to himself, “Once I become a real hero, they’ll practically beg me to take their goods.”[/i]

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[i]Gannon had heard old wives tales of a set of caverns on the edge of the Kakariko Village. Many had said that it led to treasure beyond man’s wildest dreams, while others said it led only to a spike-filled death. In his time with his group of rebels, however, Gannon had learned the true secret to the caverns. These caverns with an air so forboding, lead straight to the Guardhouse! Gannon once again counted his blessings and went on his merry way after stashing the rupies that littered the place in his money satchel.[/i]

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[i]After clawing his way through hellish holes and the dens of monsters, Gannon found his way to the surface. His great joy was shortlived, however, as he realized that he was merely on the Lupo Intersection and still had one more cave to go. He had heard things about this place, and these were not good things. After collecting himself and putting on his big boy tights, he found himself gallavanting through a cave that would kill most men upon a simple gaze.[/i]

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[i]Something about this dungeon had caught Gannon’s eye and he couldn’t quite figure out what it was. After some much needed pondering, he had come to the conclusion that this cave was filled with holes of all things. He knew he was on a slippery slope, but luckily he remembered that he was a world champion gymnast as a child and could stand on the tiniest of surfaces. With this being the only trick the caves had in store for him, he knew that was in for an easy time.[/i]

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Oh god, fireballs everywhere. This is another one of those early indicators of what Parallel Worlds is actually going to end up becoming. This room is straight up evil and causes much of the frustration that people playing the early game usually suffer through. As awesome as it sounds, this is baby stuff as far as Euclid and Seph were concerned, so this is just the first of many glimpses into the evil that haunts their hearts.

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[i]After a brief runaround with a guard, Gannon decided to dive straight into the lungs of the building that practically churned out evil on a timely basis. Gannon had finally arrived at the Guardhouse.[/i]

Tetris Plus - Title

Tetris Plus - Title



I'm crazy about Tetris and I'm crazy about Gameboy music. You'll have to forgive me if this update is a little lazy as I'm short on time. Enjoy it.

Doom II - The Demon's Dead

Doom II - The Demon's Dead


Doom II is probably one of the worst sequels to a game ever. I say this only because in terms of what we know as PC gaming today, it'd be much closer to what we think of as an expansion pack. The vast majority of the assets are reused and very little has been added outside of the Super Shotgun and some new monsters. So as I said, it's much closer to an expansion than the sequel that most people would have expected if the games came out today. The only element of the game that was entirely new, aside from the new stages, was the music. Unsurprisingly, they drew again from the heavy metal scene to come up with about half the score. One of my favorite tracks, The Demon's Dead is actually derived from a Black Sabbath song that came out around the same time. It turns out that Black Sabbath continued to make music after Heaven and Hell.

Ocarina of Time - Forest Temple

Ocarina of Time - Forest Temple




The shift from deliberate game music to atmospheric setpieces has been a bumpy one. Most songs seem to be middling while others have a hard time capturing the intended mood. Ocarina of Time is one of the first games that I noticed that did it right for the most part, the standout piece being the Forest Temple. Everything about this song whispers Haunted Meadow/Castle, from the chiming wood drums to the ghastly calls. It's perfect in every way and it's the standout piece in the game.

Ys Seven - An Assault

Ys Seven - An Assault




I don't sling the word "epic" lightly in my day to day speech. That said, It's hard to describe this song any other way. Maybe that's the fault of my minuscule vocabulary or maybe I'm just a big dummy. Regardless, An Assault is one of the absolute best boss themes I've heard in a video game. I know, Ys and Great Video Game Music are practically synonymous terms, but daaanng. Ys Seven is also my entry point into the series and it's possibly my game of the year so far alongside Mass Effect 2.

Halo: Reach - Ghosts and Glass

Halo: Reach - Ghosts and Glass




One of my biggest surprises this year in game music has been Halo Reach. The music has always been pretty stellar, but Reach just has a certain somber tone to it that I can't help but connect with. It's hard to really pin down any one "must listen" song, but I think Ghosts and Glass is a pretty good show of what the OST is about. If you liked this, 1up ran a pretty interesting feature with the composer of the soundtrack that I think is definitely worth reading.

Jazz Jackrabbit - Orbitus

Jazz Jackrabbit - Orbitus




This is a cool song.

Jazz Jackrabbit was one of the few computer games I played back in the day and I really loved it. The blend of Sonic the Hedgehog speed and level style and run'n'gun gameplay was pretty much ideal at my young age. I've gone back to the game recently through the miracles of DOSBox and discovered that Jazz Jackrabbit was probably never a good game. The stage design is all over the place and Jazz's speed is counter-intuitive to the shooting. That said, I still managed to have some fun with it. While the gameplay may be bad, the music is mostly pretty great and I say this with no nostalgia. This song though, Orbitus, is all about the nostalgia. There's no way I could listen to it and not go back 15 years.